The Next Phase: A New Life In Las Vegas

As some of you may know, I'm off to Las Vegas in a couple days here, and very much looking forward to it. I've had a wonderful life here in Ohio for the last year, and it's time for new adventures. I lived in Las Vegas once about a decade ago, and it was a great time. I did end up getting tired of being drunk all the time, and ended up just saying fuckit and jumping on a plane to Seattle, so it ended abruptly.

I feel like this time is going to be different though. I've got a really good plan, and I'm a lot more well planned and purpose driven. I know the city well, and have refreshed my memory considerably with a lot of youtube and VR videos. It won't just be wandering around aimlessly this time. I'm well prepared, well funded, and have the advantage of experience this time to guide me. I'm departing on New Year's Day, which should be interesting. I expect the airlines will be a nightmare, but in the other direction, which should be fine. Most people are leaving Las Vegas after NY, not arriving. If I'm wrong, so be it. Pretty much everything that could possibly go wrong has been well planned for. I've had some interesting experiences at airports while traveling before, and I'm hoping this trip will be just as fun and pleasant. I've got a First Class seat at the front of the plane, and I'm traveling reasonably light with one piece of checked luggage, one carryon, and one backpack. I'm very much benefiting right now from my long habit of dividing all my possessions into small permanent ones, and everything else disposable. It's the way to travel best, because then when you leave a place, you're not out a lot of money. Fortunately, I was able to return the giant TV I bought, which was a mistake in that area.

I've been travelling for about 15 years, been to every state but a handful where the gods don't pay attention, and I've always thought that Las Vegas would be where my travels would end. It's one of the most unusual towns in the world, and the only place on earth, that I'm aware of, where the entire economy is built on self-destruction. So why would I go there? Because there is nothing more interesting in this world than what billionaires do when they're bored and trying to make more money giving people comfort, pleasure, and world-class entertainment, and if one disciplines oneself to not get caught in the self-destructive traps, one can live with all the pleasures of a lavish wealthy life for next to nothing--because everything they do is designed to make you happy so you'll give them all your money. So, just don't give them all your money, and you get all the benefits anyway. Fortunately, gambling is one thing I've never cared about, and even the two years I lived in Vegas last time, I never once sat down at a card table. Aside from drinking, I'm pretty much bulletproof to all the other Vegas nightmares. I intend to be more disciplined about alcohol this time, and we'll see how it goes. The truth is that there are so many amazing things about Vegas, that getting drunk is comparatively boring, and should be ruled out completely, considering you can get drunk anywhere. Why not go to Vegas to see things you can only see in Vegas?

So I'm pretty much packed and ready to go, and still have a couple days until my plane leaves. I'm really looking forward to the plane ride and the airports. It's like the "Wood Between the Worlds" in Narnia--the place all great adventures start.

At the bottom here is the takeoff from Oklahomo, which I was so glad to be leaving I was an inch from jerking off during takeoff--and ignore whatever you see in the window's reflection. I'll post the next takeoff after I record it.

I just hope this time my dick doesn't set off their bomb detector. Some of you may remember a previous post years ago where I showed a picture of a TSA agent on his knees in mid-handjob. I swear I'm not lying, I walked out of the xray machine, and they said they had to have a closer look because my crotch had set off the machine. At first I was annoyed, until the TSA agent dropped to his knees and looked up at me in front of god and everybody, like my ex girlfriend about to suck my dick. I couldn't help but laugh and feel sorry for the guy. It's a really weird thing to see a cop do, and if you can watch it without laughing, you're a better man than I. lol

15 Blessed Hours of Karl Pilkington

 

Is the Eiffel Tower Just A Giant Penis?

What the fuck is it supposed to be, anyway? I read all about it, and apparently it's not meant to resemble anything, which might be why it doesn't. Leave it to the French to design a gigantic monument intended for great meaning, which is put in the most generic and meaningless terms, which resembles nothing at all but a giant dick--and anyone who says it doesn't, is lying.

You can look it up for yourself, but it's pretty boring reading--and the upshot is that the "artist's" description of it gives no useful information at all. I've seen a lot of French art, and a lot of it is really good--it might be the only thing I like about the French--but this isn't it. Anyone who looks at that and says it's art has no interest in art at all.

That is a dick--a big fat French dick.

A Christmas Blessing For Your Balls

 

Amazon Demands Gratitude, And Gets Told To Fuck Off

I don't know if what Amazon is doing is illegal, but if not, it damned well should be. I just had a shouting match with Amazon CS, and am returning two Echo Show 15s worth about $500 together, because they won't shut up about thanking my driver. FUCK OFF.

WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY to tell us who to be grateful to?

It's the latest "You're Amazon's Bitch" program in a long line of presumptuous programming changes they are making without our knowledge or permission to our fully purchased Echo Show voice computers that don't belong to them, to satisfy themselves, and have a computer talk you into being their bitch--since when you tell a computer to shut up and fuck off it doesn't affect them the same was as with customer service. Add this to other changes they've made, like interrupting you and telling you it's time to buy something, and reminders of "you may be low on" some other shit you bought before, and it's not only fucking annoying, it's reminiscent of a bottom bitch with a ballgag in a basement being given self-gratifying commands by his dominatrix.

Fuck right off.

Anyway, I'm throwing these pieces of shit right back at them. I'm not saying they're not great for what they do, but it's not worth the constant "reminders" to be their bitch.

I would absolutely encourage anyone currently discovering their Echo is turning into a dominatrix, to disregard the fact the product is "outside the return window," and get on the chat or phone with Amazon and throw these bitchmakers right back at them and demand a full refund.

It's not OUR fault they are outside the return window--NOW is when they presumed to change OUR fully purchased product that does not belong to them, without our knowledge or permission, to bend us over and exploit us to satisfy themselves. Therefore, if you fight for it, you will most likely have the same outcome I've had, which is a return label and an apology.

Don't let them get away with charging "a restocking fee," either--because THEY did this as a violation against our property, so THEY are the ones responsible, not us.

I really sat and thought about it for a while, and when I consider all the changes that Walmart and Best Buy have made to their online stores, Amazon kind of doesn't make sense anymore. The prices are always too high and jacked higher every time you go back to buy the same thing, they never deliver the same day, which both WM and BB DO, and it's getting to be absolutely oppressive trying to get their CS agents on chat or on the phone, because all their multiple choice menu options are designed to steer you into satisfying themselves and quitting trying to get your rights respected, because it's too much work.

The only thing that has kept me hooked is all the money I've spent on videos, kindle, and audiobooks--but the fact is that once purchased, Copyright Law and the DMCA permit us to keep a copy on our computer anyway, so how does Amazon benefit me again? It doesn't.

We can live without Amazon--they are NOT indispensable. Amazon has become an obsolete, arrogant, presumptuous, demanding, and totally dispensable pain in the ass, and I'm glad to be rid of them.

I never have that problem with Walmart or Best Buy. I don't need to go to the stores at all, they're generous with their returns, and they deliver the same day, which Amazon doesn't. In a very real way, they're much better.

If you're an Amazon representative reading this, FUCK YOU--and no, I'm not stating publicly that you demand we express gratitude to your drivers for delivering fresh corpses to cannibals to support their drug habit.

I'm not saying that at all.

I am saying SUCK MY DICK!

N Korea Threatens To Nuke US

 Communist dicktater of North Korea Kim Jong-un declared through state media on Wednesday that the launch of an intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) was necessary to “clearly show what action the DPRK [North Korea] has been prepared and what option the DPRK would take when Washington makes a wrong decision against it.”

North Korea is clearly a dangerous dicktatership.

Israeli PM: 'One More Suicide Bombing And I'll Give Them Whatever They Want'

JERUSALEM—Following a weekend bus bombing in Tel Aviv that left six dead and dozens more critically injured, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert on Monday issued an ultimatum to Palestinian extremists: "Either put an end to your deadly, mindless attacks, or we will have no choice but to dissolve the state of Israel as we know it."

In a televised address Olmert, who characterized the latest bombing as "one short of permanently ending our century-long Zionist experiment," warned Islamic radicals that Israel would not stand any further "methodical and deeply intimidating" acts of terror, "whether outside a popular nightclub in Haifa or in a crowded marketplace in Be'er Sheva, as just one more of these atrocities will surely crush the once-resolute spirit of the Israeli people."

"Even a loud explosion in a vacant lot could shatter our solidarity at this point," Olmert added.

The prime minister, whose term has seen a surge in violence after a period of relative calm, advised those thinking of inflicting further damage upon Israel not to follow through with their "surefire plans," claiming that such a strategy would undoubtedly result in "the realization of their fondest, most cherished hopes and dreams."

"We are past the point of negotiating with these killers," Olmert said. "One more deadly, or not so deadly, attack, regardless of what form it takes—suicide bombing, school-bus shooting, car bombing—or who is behind it, will be the last straw for us."

Added Olmert: "For years we have stood defiant in the face of these cowardly attacks. But they have finally managed to completely break down our very will to exist."

Olmert urged organizations like Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, the Armed Islamic Group, the Muslim Brotherhood, and al-Qaeda not to test his conviction.

Said Olmert: "Even as I speak, the full might of the Israeli military is standing by to surrender should another suicide bombing occur."

The Dec 18 car bombing was the last attack of any kind 

Israel will tolerate before completely dissolving.

Olmert added that he hoped Israel's "strong and decisive stance" would make would-be martyrs "think twice before wiping the state of Israel off the face of the earth." He also assured militant Palestinians that there would be "no going back" after the next attack, and that if they chose violence, "they would be forced to live with the consequences of their actions."

"Mark my words, we are prepared to give in," he added. "All of Israel is poised to jump into the sea."

Olmert concluded with the threat that, should Israel endure one more act of terror, he would "respond quickly and forcefully with complete acquiescence to every one of these extremists' demands."

"This is your final warning," Olmert said.

International observers called Olmert's remarks part of a larger trend.

"This proves once and for all that terrorism, in all its forms, works," UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan said. "Israel may very well be the first of many powerful, well-armed nations that will have to succumb to the foolproof tactics of these murderous fiends."

Hamas Calls For Giant Summit on "Final Solution" With All Israelis

The Jerusalem Post

December 19th, 2023

RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—After his militant Islamic party took the majority in Palestine's recent elections, Ismail Haniyeh called for a "giant summit with all living Israelis" Monday, rekindling international hopes for peace in the war-torn region.

Ismail Haniyeh urges Israeli participation in bringing closure to conflict in the Middle East.

Haniyeh characterized the one-day summit as "the final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute," and invited every Jewish citizen of the world to attend. Haniyeh said he expects more than 5 million participants from Israel alone.

"It was foolish of us to think that a satisfactory resolution could be reached through small-scale aggression," Haniyeh said. "It will take more than the sporadic deaths of small groups of Israeli civilians to achieve our ends."

"This summit is long overdue," he added.

Haniyeh, who once said that Palestinian independence could only be achieved through the destruction of Israel, has apparently reversed his stance.

"It is clear to us now that a positive outcome will not be possible unless many, many sacrifices are made," Haniyeh said. "I give my word that the Israeli people shall have their cries for peace heard for miles around."

Haniyeh did not disclose the issues that will be discussed at the summit, saying only that he "would be very surprised if the entire process took longer than a couple of hours."

Haniyeh also extended an invitation to any high-ranking American official who would like to moderate the proceedings.

"We will achieve our goals with or without foreign help," Haniyeh said. "However, if George W. Bush or other top-level U.S. officials wish to attend, it would certainly make those first, most difficult steps a lot easier to take."

In a public statement Tuesday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad endorsed the "Hamas-led peace process," and offered the use of Tehran's Azadi Stadium as an "impartial location away from the distracting glare of publicity."

"It is about time for a summit of this nature," Ahmadinejad said. "The people of Iran will do anything they can to help further this crucial process."

According to Haniyeh, Israelis need only arrive with an open mind, insisting that the summit can have a positive outcome only if traditional and long-standing prejudices "are left at the door, along with any weapons, gas masks, or bulletproof vests."

"Security is of the utmost importance, which is why the summit will be watched over by my most loyal and experienced men," Haniyeh said. "To this end, every Israeli will also be marked with a six-digit protection number."

Hamas has already gone to significant lengths to ensure that Israeli Jews will be able to attend the summit, including transportation via specially chartered freight trains.

"Very much like a cleansing fire, the summit will wipe the slate of Arab-Jewish relations utterly and irreversibly clean," Haniyeh said. "By the end of our negotiations, those who walk out of the summit will be very pleased."

"With the blessing of Allah, we will soon see every last obstacle standing in the path to harmony exterminated," Haniyeh added. "Like the filthy dogs they are."

No official response to Hamas' summit proposal has yet been made. However, it is widely believed that acting Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his cabinet will propose an alternative mass summit to which Hamas party officials and their Palestinian supporters will be similarly welcomed.

Nuns Promote Bumvertising

If you have never engaged in Bumvertising, and know nothing about it, that might be because you're not a total fucking asshole.

Some total dick got a wild idea to make money a long time ago, from seeing homeless people who are holding up cardboard signs telling the world they're starving to death and begging for a dollar to eat. He found out that if he slipped them a dollar or two, they would be willing to allow him to post his own sign on top of their cardboard sign of misery, and use them as billboards for his advertisements.

THIS IS TRUE.

This asshole eventually got his ass kicked by a bunch of people who thought he was a dick, and published all over the media as the world's biggest asshole--so in order to make it right, he paid a bunch of nuns to promote his idea, and thereby hopefully reduce the resistance of those kicking his ass for being a dick.

I don't know if it worked, but holy shit do we live in a world with some fucked up motherfuckers in it, do we not?

Here is the ad he created, complete with nuns, promoting his idea of Bumvertising--exploiting the homeless as advertising space.

I think maybe nuns might not be the moral bitches we always thought they were. From the look of this promotional video, they may, in fact, be complete and total cunts. Big surprise--one would expect cheerleaders for the world's biggest rape gang would show better judgement.

The Foundation of Civilization: Progress, Evolution, and Chopping Off Healthy Balls

 

A Picture of My Gaping Butthole

They might not be as noticeable as coffee cups or plastic bags, but when it comes to trash in the city of St. John's, cigarette butts are a huge problem, according to one litter prevention group.

According to a report from the Multi-Materials Stewardship Board for 2016-17, there were an estimated 66 million cigarette butts littered around the province.

Each of those filters is made of tiny strands of plastic that pose a danger to wildlife, especially when they break down in a marine environment.

The not-for-profit organization Clean St. John's is currently working on a way to turn those numbers around — and turn all those discarded butts into something useful.

The group is in the process of securing funding to buy 25 cigarette butt recycling receptacles that would be installed downtown, in popular smoking hot spots like George Street, and busy pedestrian areas along Duckworth Street and Water Street. 

"Our goal is to see cigarette butt receptacles the same as you would see a garbage container, so people would become aware that cigarette butts are litter and they should be disposed of properly," said Karen Hickman, executive director of Clean St. John's.

The recycling container would be scattered around smoking hot spots in this summer's pilot project.

The slim receptacles can be fixed to buildings or poles, and the butts would be collected once a week, dried and then sent in bulk to a company called TerraCycle in New Jersey. 

"They take whatever tobacco is left in the cigarette and they use that for compost, and then the rest of the cigarette is used for plastic lumber. So plastic for park benches, things like that, as well as pallets," she told The St. John's Morning Show.

"That's sort of just as exciting as [getting] cigarettes off the ground, knowing that they could be recycled into other materials."

Hickman said there would be no cost to send the butts to TerraCycle, as the company provides prepaid shipping labels that can be used for loads up to 30 kilograms.

The target start date for the six-month pilot project is July 1. Each receptacle will be branded with the Clean St. John's logo and the slogan, "Your Butt Would Look Good in This."

 

Hickman said Clean St. John's has a limited budget, but if the pilot project is successful she hopes the city will take over and put money into expanding the program to other areas where butts tend to be discarded, such as bus shelters.

Kittens, Bunnies, and All Things Cute

 Whoever posts the cutest image, gif, or video 

gets a vigorous handjob by an extremely sexy midget.

Stephen King and Leslie Nielson Working Together To Build A Better America!

Did you know Leslie Nielson once worked with Stephen King? No shit. If anyone had asked me this before I found out and bet me real money, I'd have been broke for the rest of my life. I never expected that. lol