Aeon Fux

Just put on Aeon Fux, and I have to say, if this slob of a cunt summoned me, I'd have shut her up, told her to fuck off and go brush her hair, and to stop paging me until she looks presentable, then just walked out of the meeting in mid-sentence.

On an aside though, and dont' tell her this, but I do sort of feel sorry for her--clearly the director hates gingers. I mean, he made everyone else in the movie look like a million dollar an hour porn star, but clubbed the ginger like a baby seal, and put her hair through a fuckin woodchipper. lol

In fairness, that was kind of a dick move, and I hope ginger ming punched the director right in the dick for it. Maybe she did. Maybe that's why she doesn't get much screentime in the movie. It's a good thing too, because she's pretty painful on the eyes. If I were Al Swearingen, I wouldn't bend that freakshow muppet for to punish a horse.

Fortunately, most all the other women in the movie look epically fuckable.

Mark Twain Fondles and Tucks His Pussy

Is Birdhouse Rape a Victimless Crime?

 

Rampant Snow White Plays Bring Nationwide Dwarf Shortage

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves has become a fanatical obsession in Scotland for some reason, with at least 20 productions across the country happening all at once, and with 7 dwarves required for each play, theater producers and casting directors are in absolute chaos trying to import 140 dwarves to cover all the plays, but are thwarted by Scotland's strict immigration policies.

I myself am Scottish Highlander up both sides of my family tree, so I sympathize with the rampant psychotic weirdness of my people, and hope they get some kind of solid mental health care. I don't have a solution, but I think we can all agree that Scotland is a fuckin weird place with some fuckin weird people.

At least they're not boring though, which to my mind, is a hell of a lot worse than weird.

 

Entire State of Oregon Under Evacuation Alert

 The Oregon Emergency Alert System sent alerts to everyone in the State of Oregon to evacuate the entire state immediately, due to the government being a bunch of shitheads who fucked up their emergency alert system.

Having lived in Oregon, I can't say I'm surprised. It's a rare day when the fuckin gravity works right. Not that I'm complaining. Idiots in power keep the news very interesting, and there's a reason every village has one. lol

Nightmare Livestock Storage Labyrinth

Ever wonder how the people who cast our nightmares manage to keep the creatures in them from killing eachother while they're waiting for us to go to sleep? I spent about 30 minutes watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre before I realized it was just the news, and then kind of dozed off, but only went into this weird Twilight Zone where I wasn't really awake or asleep--then I got kind of mentally locked in that state, so I was conscious while one of my nightmares started taking hold. Because I was conscious, I remembered to have my phone ready, and took control of the nightmare. The set was a lot more elaborate than Hollywood movie sets, and a lot more difficult to navigate, but I was able to get behind the set, and discovered this massive computer-managed storage area, with countless cells filled with monsters in holding, and what an amazing and elaborate setup. I had no idea nightmare technology had come so far over the years. I'm not sure why I didn't realize it though, because anyone watching the news should probably be able to figure it out.

Anyway, here is what I managed to record on my phone before I snapped out of my reverie, got up, and went to sleep in my bed.

BLM Slicks Road With Human Shit To Crash Police Cars

https://www.foxnews.com/us/connecticut-tractor-trailer-leaking-human-waste-causes-multiple-crashes-interstate-95-police-say

A tractor-trailer that leaked human waste is being blamed by Connecticut State Police for causing at least 10 vehicle accidents this week along busy Interstate 95. 

The accidents happened in Bridgeport around 10:30 p.m. Monday and involved two state police cruisers, according to reports filed by police. 

"Through the course of the investigation, it was determined that... a 2017 Mack truck bearing Connecticut registration [redacted] (towing a 2018 Clement trailer bearing Connecticut registration [redacted]), had an unsecured load leaking human waste in the travel lanes of Interstate 95 northbound causing slick conditions," read one of the police reports. 

"The operator, identified as Shaky Joseph, who was aware of the leak, was subsequently taken into custody and charged with Unsecured Load, Reckless Driving, and 12 counts of Reckless Endangerment: 1st Degree," police also said. 

This image released by the Connecticut State Police shows one of two state police cruisers damaged when human waste, leaking from a tractor trailer, created slick conditions along Interstate 95 in Bridgeport, causing multiple crashes on Monday, July 17. (AP/Connecticut State Police)

The reports indicated that 10 vehicles were involved in accidents, according to The Associated Press.  

Troopers said they found the driver after witnesses reported the company name seen on the truck. Authorities contacted the company, H.I. Stone & Son, which then called the driver and told him to pull over and wait for police, state police said. 

Joseph, who police say "did not stop and exited I-95 northbound onto the local streets," then was arrested. 

The northbound lanes of Interstate 95 were closed for around three hours while first responders cleaned up the roadway. 

In one of the accidents, two Connecticut State Police cruisers were hit after they were parked and left unoccupied along the median of the highway. 

The troopers associated with those vehicles were "assisting with a slick roadway and multiple vehicles involved in collisions" and left them with their "emergency lights activated at the time," according to police. 

An accident report said the driver of a tractor-trailer moving through the area "lost control on the slick roadway" and collided with one of the police vehicles, pushing it forward into the other. 

No injuries were reported in the crashes. 

"The Connecticut Department of Transportation, Connecticut Department of Energy & Environmental Protection, Troop I and the Bridgeport Police and Fire Department responded to assist," state police said. 

Joseph has been released on $25,000 bond and is set to appear in court on Aug. 8. 

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Game of Dicks

I'm watching Game of Thrones again from the beginning, among other things, and I feel like it was made about medieval times with the same philosophy as Deadwood was about about the old west. Someone with some rightheaded thinking got the crazy notion, after a hundred of years of books and movies and TV shows about bullshit knight in shining armor fantasies and cowboys who don't swear, to make something that is an accurate portrayal of what life was really like back then--just a constant mosh of total dicks kicking eachother ass, backstabbing eachother, killing everything they couldn't rape, and just massacring eachother constantly. Peasants barely lived long enough to breed and spawn, and even the Kings lived in a constant feeding frenzy of clever dick moves that surprised the shit of eachother and threw the entire kingdom into upheaval.

I think Game of Dicks would have been a much better name for the show, because holy shit--check this out. You would think maybe at least they'd get some peace from friends at church, right? This is what their PASTOR does to people who confessed their sins, and big surprise she returned the favor by blowing up the church and setting everyone in it on fire. Everyone in this show is just a total fucking asshole. I'd list examples, but I'd end up just copying and pasting the script of every episode in the entire series. lol

Tell me this show doesn't totally deserve the name:

"GAME OF DICKS."

World Leaders VS Muppets Explain the Internet and Artificial Intelligence

When people predict disaster based on new technology, I always feel reassured that those with the most power over Artificial Intelligence and the Internet have got the situation well in hand.

Don't take my word for it--YOU be the judge. 

Have a listen to the following brief clips, and decide for yourself. Who explains the technologies better?--Muppets or the most powerful people in the world assigned to govern them? Not that it bothers me or anything, but my priority is entertainment, and nothing keeps the news more interesting than a moron with unlimited power.

What could possibly go wrong?

WWCD: What Would Cunk Do?

The more I watch the historical documentaries made by Philomena Cunk, the more I dream of her perspective on a million other things in the world. How many historians do you know that would travel the world, telling the best Shakespearean scholars in the world to shut up, to seek an audience with the finest historians at Oxford to verify the ancient Romans invented anal bleaching, or seek out the best professors of Greek Tragedy Theatre at Cambridge, to ask them getting a potato stuck up your ass counts as a tragedy, or whether the potato would have to take root and kill you in order to qualify?

I guaranfuckingtee you there's not many.

In the spirit of Cunkish historical criticism, I can't help but wonder what she would say about all the absurdities we see in the news every day, and so I try my best to guess at it. 

I live in hope one day Cunk will wake up and realize that her real role in the world is not that of a historian, but of a news anchor. lol

Take this guy, for example. We all know politicians are evil, but have you ever wondered just how evil they can get? What would be the single most evil thing a politician could do, short of a whimsical nuclear war? It's an interesting thing to think about, don't you think? How about blackmailing and extorting a children's hospital by threatening to cut state funding for dying kids if they don't cough up $50,000 in protection money?

Did you know over half of the last 8 Governors of Illinois are in prison right now? The conviction rate for murder is less than half. 

You are more likely to go to prison if you become the Governor of Illinois than if you murder someone.

What would Cunk do with stories like this? I hope she becomes a news anchor, because I really want to know. lol

Null Set Anti Lag Discussion

 Anyone else tired of the massive LAG created by disqus servers? I am. I know it's disqus, because I've ruled out everything else. It's annoying sitting and waiting for text to appear on the screen.

Anyway, I'm creating a new discussion to hopefully help with that.

The Movie Elf Is A Communist Menace!