Well, I did it. I've been watching the Twilight Zone since I was a kid, and A Stop At Willoughby has always held a certain fascination for me as kind of an idealized fantasy of the perfect place to live, and indeed, there have been many times in my life when I've felt exactly like the protagonist whose pressures finally broke him, but not anymore. My life is actually pretty amazing now, and so the covid rates are low, and anyone who's known me for more than a few minutes knows that's travel time--SO, I'm now in fucking Willoughby Ohio. I got off the plane less than 24 hours ago, and honestly cannot fucking believe how cool this place is. Those who know me, know I'm notorious for mocking every goddam place I see for the weird absurdities I find, but I can't find fucking anything wrong with this area. EVERYTHING is good as gold. I can't fucking believe it. A place with next to NO crime, low cost of living, low rent, inexpensive lodging, a 5 star VA hospital, it's 95% white, a high focal consolidation of older veterans, and it's every inch as beautiful as Oregon. I might seriously die of a raging boner. This place is AWESOME!!!
So, my sincerest apologies for being a distant dick, but I've been flying around the fucking country all over the place, and drinking with dozens of people all day to find the coolest places to see in the fuckint TWILIGHT ZONE, during my Stop At Willougby.
I'd like to also mention one other thing. Everywhere I go, I create GREAT relationships, I treat people fantastic, and everyone who does nice things for gets pretty rich doing it. The manager of the hotel I'm at, after arranging a night out at the best restaurant in town for him, just to make friends, told me I had to come down and get my goddam walmart delivery--he wasn't going to let them through the checkpoint, and he wasn't bringing it up himself.
I'm not saying he's a dick, I'm saying it takes a while to form relationships, and so be it.
...so I told him, that I will be happy to do so, but if he doesn't want the good money I'm happy to pay him to bring my walmart delivery up to my room, and I have to drag walmart bags through his hotel like Oliver Fucking Twist, I will be happy to do it, but I will do it singing Erik Cartman's "In the Ghetto" at full volume the entire time.
...and that's what I did. I walked through all 5 floors of his 4 fucking star hotel full of fund managers, singing "In the Ghetto," at the top of my lungs, refusing to use the elevator because the stairwell has such great acoustics, for 4 trips up and down to the 5th floor--and you know what, fuck him, and I will do this every goddam time. What sort of dipshit doesn't want $20 to bring a cartfull of walmart shit up a goddam elevator after being hand-delivered a formal invatation to a free fucking dinner in the best goddam restaurant in town? One would think that would inspire some loyalty, right? I guess not.
Fortunately, the world is filled with people who do appreciate being made rich doing a small favor here and there for someone who respects them enough to pay them well. lol
Anyway, I'm not bitter. I just sang the entirety of "In the Ghetto to about 200 fucking people across 5 floors of one of the finest hotels in Willoughby, and at least a dozen people opened there doors to find out what the sailing fuck is going on. lol
Even money says I'll be thrown out of the hotel tonight or tomorrow, and I don't give a fuck. I stand by it, and if they want to be assholes, then I'll just go to another hotel where my shitload of money is appreciated, and if it's not, then it's fucking chorus time for them as well.
I love living in a world with no consequences--and these assholes are going to keep hearing this song until they shape up and give a shit about money dammit.
Fuck the man.
I guarantee Gart Williams never sang sarcastic mournful ghetto songs to the the assholes who fucked with him, and if he had, he probably would enjoy his life more, and wouldn't have walked off a moving train and killed himself.
It's important to laugh at cheapminded impoverished dickheads who go on a powertrip every time the economy of their world of shit suffers a powervacuum because one of them has five dollars more than the other.
...and don't just laugh--SING!!!
On a cold and gray Chicago mornin'
A poor little baby child is born
In the ghetto
And his mama cries
'Cause if there's one thing that she don't need
It's another hungry mouth to feed
In the ghetto
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